Mom's Testimony

Today would’ve been Mom's 63rd birthday. I thought it would be a beautiful opportunity to pay tribute to Mom by sharing her testimony, since she never had the chance to. You will likely notice I refer to her as "mom" not specifically "my mom" It's just something I do. Perhaps it's because she was like a mother to many. For those who have had the privilege of knowing my mother, I hope this story touches your heart and gives you more peace when you find yourself thinking of her, or her passing. For those who will only learn of her through this letter, I hope you feel encouraged by the story of her steadfast faith.

For those who are familiar with grief, you are familiar with the many layers that comes with losing a loved one. I miss mom's voice and physical presence the most. She always gave such great advice, and was the best listener (I hope I picked up that trait off her). She was always so thoughtful, and never overly serious. She liked to laugh... and oh what a laugh she had. If you know, you know :) ! Mom was liked by everyone. She had the ability to make everyone feel seen and welcomed. I may sound bias here, but she truly was something special. And she was absolutely beautiful! Anyone who had the privilege in knowing her, would agree!

Our relationship 

My mother and I were very close. I was very protective of my mother and that’s because I seen her go through a lot. I always came to her defence even at a young age. I was always very respectful of my mother. I had a healthy fear of her. Though she was the least bit scary, my fear came from a place where I never wanted to disappoint her. I seen that her life was an ongoing struggle, and I never wanted to contribute to that. She raised me to be considerate, and it started in the home.

Every testimony has a before and after. 

 Before

My mother's parents immigrated from Portugal around 1955. When they came over to Canada, their first stop was British Columbia. From there they ended up in Cambridge Ontario, where they had 2 daughters. My aunt Natalie, and my mother Salina. They were close in age, about a year apart. My mother had a traditional upbringing. Raised catholic, in a fairly strict home. Good friends meant a lot to mom. My mom had best friends since early childhood, and remained close as ever with them.  She was a very loyal woman. Always there for others. Determined and wise. She was also very creative (I feel like she would’ve really wanted me to share that part ;)

She was torn on where she would go for post secondary education. Part of her really wanted to work at the bank, and the other part of her wanted to be a designer. Her father offered to pay for her schooling, on the condition that it was the local choice. Which ultimately led to her to the bank of Nova Scotia, where she worked for about 30 years. Everyone who knew mom had the best things to say about her. She was amazing at customer service. In fact, I received a few letters from some regulars at the bank after they had heard about her passing. I still have those letters, which validate how impactful her presence truly was. She was so personable, and someone you'd feel so comfortable to be around, even if it was your first time meeting her.

Marriage and Motherhood

My mom and Dad met at a disco in Toronto. His dance moves and charm were impressionable lol. He was a ladies man, and a guys guy! Friendly to all! He was the kind of guy that you would notice in the room. They fell in love, and back then it was the norm to get married young. Mom was about 22 when she had my brother Justin, and 24 when she had me. Unfortunately, over the years my father became an alcoholic. Without getting into too much detail, he was unfaithful and became abusive. My mother tried to stick it out. She thought that was best for us kids, but it really wasn’t. I was old enough to know what was going on, and at 9 years old I ran away. It was such an unfortunate time of tarnished memories that no child should experience. I want to share that my father is such a loving man. It is so sad what addiction can do. I know his past still affects him, as he still has many regrets. With that said, it was easy for me to forgive my father at such a young age. I knew that was best for the both of us. I have a great relationship with my father today, but respectfully, I’m sharing mom’s testimony and the past is part of the story. 

(No spoilers but..God can heal our heartaches)

We started a new chapter, in a new home. Mom was in a better place. But, it seemed like such a brief moment of time. My brother got into the wrong crowd in high school. Parties, fights, problems at school, which led to his expulsion at grade 10. It's honestly sad.. I don’t even have high school memories of my brother. This rebellion led to arrests, court cases, lawyers.. Poor mom. I seen how this nightmare of a reality completely crushed her. She was devastated when Justin was diagnosed with schizophrenia. This was all so new to us. Coping and navigating through life with mental illness and addiction was really hard on us. I believe mental illness is strongly linked to upbringing. Not having a father figure present in a child’s life is detrimental to ones health. No masculine example to look up to. No household leader and provider. No disciplinarian to fear.

Mom did the best she could to support Justin's illness. Despite the hardships and challenges, she loved Justin unconditionally. Years went on, and I made the move to Toronto with my husband (boyfriend at the time) we lived there for a few years, got married and when I got pregnant we made the decision to move closer to mom since we were starting our family. I was always close with mom, but when I moved closer to home we grew even closer. When I gave birth to my son Roman, mom was right there by our side. And my goodness was she ever made to be a grandmother. She was the best supporter, and paved the way for me. I really included her in all the newborn milestones. I seen how much joy this baby brought to her as well. It was such a blessing to see mom in that role! Which sadly, was short lived. 

Diagnosis 

My mother always made Christmas mornings so special growing up. But this particular Christmas morning still haunts me. It’s a memory I have tucked far away, but when it comes to surface, I relive that painful moment. Placing me right back to when I received the call from my aunt. Natalie was shattered. Sharing this news with me just made it more real. What do you mean cancer? Mom? How? We got to the hospital as fast as we could to meet with the doctors and get answers. It was confirmed my mom had Stage IV lung cancer. As if news couldn't get worse, it was metastatic. So advanced that it was incurable.

Mom remained positive, but part of me could see her fear. She was so strong, and this blind-sided diagnosis wasn’t going to change that approach. I didn’t have many words there at the hospital. I tried really hard to stay strong for her. I was processing it, all while tending to my 3 month old. I really wanted to just kick everyone out of the room and hold mom. I wanted us all just have a normal Christmas morning.  Without any hesitation, we immediately took her home with us to care for her while she began treatment. Though she was always so independent, she began to see that she wasn't well enough to care for herself. Throughout that time we would check in on Justin. Making sure he was well. It took us a while to share with him what was happening being that it was so much for us to process.. But he had his suspicions, and was starting to ask questions. Eventually we needed to be honest with him. During this time we continued to reassure mom that Justin was fine. Doing so, allowed her to slowly loosen her grip, and focus on her own health.

Finding faith 

Rocky, my husband was saved (born again Christian) about a year before mom’s diagnosis.

During this time he was growing in his faith and it became such a positive impact on mom. He would pray with her and for her. He would read the Bible to her, and share encouraging scriptures with her. My mom always prayed, but we weren’t devout in our faith or anything. Our faith was surface. We just thought believing in God was good enough. We didn't know the word of God(bible), so we adopted our own ideas of what faith meant to us. There was definitely an adjustment period where we realized how different it was to seek a relationship with Jesus, without relying on religion and/or practices. Witnessing how strong Rocky’s faith was, really provided such a light that we all needed through the darkest time of our lives. Especially moms. Initially I was very resistant towards Rocky’s faith, but throughout this time, God was softening my heart and allowed me to see how important a relationship with Him was.

From the time of mom's diagnosis to the time of her passing, she went on to live 2 years. Mom really wanted to fight. During those 2 years mom's faith grew so much. We began to bring her to church. My mom was once hesitant towards the thought of making some new friends. She wanted to keep private, and I respected that. But with time, mom began to really let these women in. It’s amazing how important fellowship within the body of believers truly is. These women would make us meals, and visited mom bedside regularly to be there for her, to pray for her, and continue to get to know her. Time is so precious, and everyone didn't want to take for granted the time they had with mom. I still talk to Barb, a nurse who was really touched by mom's faith.

As I mentioned above, every testimony has a before and after. 

This is Mom's: After

I should share, that throughout mom's journey, we never wanted to know mom's life expectancy. It isn't uncommon for people to have a deathbed conversion. Mom came to a place where she surrendered her life to Christ at the hospital. If you knew mom, you'd know just how strong of a woman she was! It became part of her identity, and though we can appreciate her strength, there came a time where she couldn’t rely on it any longer. For many years mom held onto control. It makes sense. She was a self reliant single mother. She made ends meet, and put food on the table. She was a survivor in manyyyy ways. But this identity had to go, in order that peace would step in.. Mom relinquished all the worries of leaving her son with mental illness. She also forgave my father. For years she said she did, but I could tell she hadn’t fully by the way she spoke of him. But when she was saved I knew she truly forgave him, because God removed all resented bitterness from her heart. I knew something was different the day she was saved. It was evident to us all!! The weight was off her shoulders. She seemed so free, and yet physically she was bound to a hospital bed. No longer strong enough to stand on her own, but that didn’t matter, she found Christ and gave Him all that was left of her life. When she was saved she told everyone about Jesus -from that day forward. She told the nurses, the doctors, friends, and visitors! She tasted and seen the goodness of God, which compelled her to share the treasure of salvation esp with those she loved. “I am saved”. Oh, how this story is worth rejoicing over!

Mom passed just 2 months after giving her life to Jesus.

If anyone wants to stick around to read this next portion, please do. Many people think that all that is required to get into heaven is to believe.. or to be a "good person". But that’s not what the Bible says. The word gospel  literally means “good news” and it’s a beautiful invitation for all.

With sharing Mom testimony, it only makes sense that I share the good news.

The Gospel

We learn that in the beginning God created the Heavens, and the Earth. Everything God made, He declared it to be good. God created humans. And He made us in His image. God made Adam and Eve, and He had perfect fellowship with them. God established a rule and laid out the consequences. We all are given free will, and Adam and Eve chose to disobey. When sin entered the picture so did death. Because of sin, the world is cursed (Romans 5:12). God is the creator of life, not death. God hates death. And God, being holy, He also hates sin. It is evident that we live in a broken world today, as a result of sin. Death, disease, cancer, suffering, murder, and hate are not of God's design. Because all humans inherit a sin nature, we can consider the goodness of God, when we realize that God always had a plan from the beginning.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." John 1:1-5

Jesus was part of God's plan all along. God made a way for mankind to be saved by sending us a Savior. It was the consequence of sin, that broke Adam and Eve's fellowship with God which caused them to feel guilt and shame. But the good news is Jesus offers us forgiveness. The Ten Commandments, are also known as The Moral Law. The purpose of the Ten Commandments is for us to realize that we cannot perfectly obey it (Romans 7:7-11), and therefore we are in need of God’s mercy and grace. To list just a few; We've all lied, and most of us have stolen..Many of us have taken the Lord's name in vain by using it in the replacement of a cuss word. That’s called blasphemy. Simply put, when we look at the law: we must examine ourselves to judge if we're innocent or guilty? Heaven or hell? Here is where the good news comes in!!

When we look to the cross- We find Jesus Christ. Fully God and fully man. Jesus lived a sinless life, and He died a death He did not deserve to pay the penalty for the sins of the world. Jesus defeated sin and death! Through His death and resurrection, we can have everlasting life! To truly believe this, we must recognize our need for a Savior.

"Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance." Romans 2:4 

The word repent means “to change one’s mind.” The Bible tells us that true repentance will result in a change of actions. True repentance goes beyond remorse, regret, or feeling bad about one’s sin. It involves a turning away from sin. Repentance and faith can be understood as two sides of the same coin. True faith is repentant faith. It's beautiful when we begin to grasp God's unmerited grace in the form of His great love for us.

 "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8

Our belief must go from the head to the heart.

"If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9

Sadly the greatest hinderance to recieving this good news, is our comforts. Many of us have adopted our own beliefs. A have-it-your-way-religion. God calls us to lay that all down. He calls us to surrender the very things that seem like the hardest to release, and turn from them. Being able to fully surrender requires faith and trust. Thinking you've got to try harder, or be a better person, live a better life and do more good deeds, does not save. Claiming religion does not save. We can have faith that the sacrifice Christ made is more than enough for our salvation. Jesus is the only way! There are no alternative routes. “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." (John 14:6).. guys, this world, and everything in it is passing away. Jesus is our only hope!

God may not have healed mom, but He offered her a much greater gift than restorative health. He gave her eternal life. We can find peace in believing that in heaven there is no sickness, no suffering, no sorrow and no death (Revelation 21:4). We can take heart in knowing that in Christ Jesus, there is life after death.

Moms favourite Scripture :

"Those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Thank you for reading.

Marley